The new me

They say, everything you do is an experience.
They also say, every experience is a lesson...

I've heard that people do not really change.. circumstances do.. but is it true?

He told me, if someone tells you 'I'm changed, and it is all because\for you' show them the door, and say 'goodbye, with your bullshit'

So.. Where does that leave anyone? 

I could definitely say that I'm not the same person I was last year.

There is just so much in my mind, that I would like to share with the rest of the world, like anyone else... Yet I choose to be that mysterious person whom you think you figured out, but by the time you think you did, I've changed my thoughts, feelings and mind already so you have to start all over again.

For sometime now, I have been what you call 'feelingless', and I was actually happy about it. However, a friend told me that I'm in denial. I thought about it.. Maybe I'm in denial but maybe I liked whatever I felt -or didn't feel- and I just wanted to continue that way.

For too long now, I've been concerned about:
- What people think about me.
- Everyone's expectations of me.
- Future
& 
- More Future

I stopped living the moment, always just wishing for a better tomorrow that I forgot to enjoy the now. It's like, I finally opened my eyes, and realized I have to start living the now and forget about the future. What is meant to happen, will eventually happen, right?

I also realized that I might have been a little too generous towards others, and been giving more than receiving. Maybe this is the time to be selfish and think about myself only. I deserve some selfish time.

 The thing about me is, I never truly reveal my full feelings and thoughts to one person specifically, I just share some facts with those who are close to me. Then I tell them half the story, whatever it is, tell the other half to someone else. They can not take the pieces and complete the puzzle, they think I'm confusing, and it is complicated while I like it.. I actually enjoy it very much.

I'm an introvert, this is the whole truth, yet people love to believe otherwise. True, I'm easy to talk to, and once you talk to me I'm all warm and make you feel special, but it does not mean you make me feel special too, you know? It is difficult to satisfy me and I'm aware of that, but why should I change that? I'm happy with all that I am, and all that I've done so far and satisfied overall. So I do not see any problem in that.

There is one more fact about me that I think everyone should feel aware of; I'm narcissistic.
A friend said this word to me a few days ago and I was clueless about what it meant, I was too shy to ask as well, but then I searched it and I was like 'WOW, there is a word for self obsession'.
I'm proud to be one actually, this feeling I can not describe. I'm just so awesome that I might belong in a museum [yes, a LoL reference. Ez.].
I'm so much in love with myself.
Here is the thing, I know my flaws right, because no one is perfect. However, I love them... I think they're quite cool characteristics. I do not want to change them either! 

Here, I thought I'll just scribble the few thoughts that are wandering in my big brain which is full of so many words. I did not pick them carefully therefore I will not read this draft twice, I'll post it the way it is.

The very last thing I would like you all to read -if you're still reading, which I'm sure you are!- I'm loyal to those I love and truly care about. Whereas others think I'm harsh, cold or rude, I would not change that thought of yours, I mean if you have made up your mind then so be it, maybe you deserve whatever gave you this feeling. The more people assume the worse about me, the happier it makes me. Somehow being called evil is fun for me. I mean, look at Loki, and Joker... Aren't they just so cool?
Anyhoo.. If you also want to see who I was a while back visit my old BLOG

ps. I'm still cute and stuff. I love laughing so much I kid you not. Most of time I'm sarcastic and almost never serious, just so you know.

one more PS: I could not think of a better title. Wanted some dramatic effect. ok bye.


Enjoy, and I'll be back to some more posts later on!


x