This was one of the most impulsive decisions ever. Actually this was the only impulsive decision I’ve ever made in my life, in regards to my health. [going for the Z-lasik surgery!!]
Normally I’d panic, and anxiously ask my diabetes doctor million questions before attempting to try anything new, however this time the story was different.
When I was 8, we were sitting peacefully writing on our books in the classroom when suddenly we were visited by eye doctors. They did a free check up on everyone in the class. I was so sure I’d ace it like I aced any other test in that grade.. unfortunately they’ve given me a paper with prescription for glasses, told me it’s very important I do it as soon as possible. I was scared.. because, glasses??
I had a flashback of this girl in my class who the previous month started wearing glasses and the other kids laughed at her, and then I told myself be prepared to get bullied all over again. (Coz I was bullied before for being tiny, switched school).
I was praying with all my heart that the other eye doctor we visited later would say ‘it’s ok just drink carrot juice and you’ll be okay’, which by the way I did, and I hated the taste of it a lot.
They said I had to wear glasses. My parents convinced me that it’s fine, and I get to choose my own frames, to be cool. So just like the good girl I was, I chose a cute navy frame with cars on it.
I went to school the next day, and I was happy that no one bullied me. I believed that it was the charm of the little cars!
I grew older, my sight got worse.
Few years later when laser was introduced (I think I was about 13) my parents did it, and I got excited and thought ‘hey, 5 years later I’ll say goodbye to glasses forever’. Surprisingly, the doctor informed me that it would be impossible for me to get the surgery done due to several complications in my eyes, and my dreams of glasses free life was shattered once more.
2 years later (when I was 15) I finally was old enough to wear contact lens. I was warned a lot about the miss-usage of it and how dangerous it is. Also about how years later I’ll actually get headaches from wearing them a lot, and I thought to myself NO WAY.
Surprise surprise.. after hitting the age of 23, I slowly started getting tired of the contact lens. By 24 I didn’t mind not wearing lens, I just wore my glasses the entire time and avoided looking at the mirror or taking any pictures.
25.. you know still going on?
I received a message from Muscat Eye Laser Cemter, that they offer 50% off on the surgeries, I ran to my mom and told her. She did not encourage me coz she wanted me to go to the same clinic she went to, because they treated her nicely in comparison to the other clinic when she wanted to undergo the surgery.
A week later I was informed that one of my friends ‘zeruga’ was going to to do check ups to do the surgery.. I asked a million questions.
Next thing I knew is that I actually made a phone call and made an appointment for Saturday 2/2/19 for the check ups.
I went on Saturday, and there were so many tests.. so many check ups..
I’ve spent approximately about 4-5 hours there.
Finally when I was sent to discuss the possibilities with the counselor. He confirmed that I indeed have several issues that would make the operation a bit tough.
He said when normal each eye would take 1.5 minutes to operate on, mine would take 10 minutes per eye. So if we assume worse case scenario of normal eye, total time could hardly ever reach 5 minutes, but in my case it would be 20 minutes.
I was shocked, and scared. But I was also too shy to chicken out now, so I said yeah sure let’s have the operation on Tuesday (Sunday and Monday parents were away, and if I said Sunday they’d cancel their trip so I thought I’d wait).
For the two coming days I pretended everything was fine. I haven’t actually spoken about it to anyone in fact.
On the operation day I had a donut for breakfast and my brother got me Caramel machiatto (I normally don’t do breakfasts but they warned me to EAT something) so I thought hey, why not pamper myself to something I like.
I went to the center. It was 10.30
They did one more test, but then something went wrong so they redid it after an hour
They made me wait a lot.. and the waiting made me anxious.
I had to go to the toilet several times (mind you, I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that honestly). More waiting
They sent me for a final talk to the counselor.. confirmed the length of the operation, and he said one more time 18-20 minutes.
They asked me to go in finally at 13.00’sh. I changed into those surgery clothes/gowns you see in movies.. then they put lots of drops in my eyes, cleaned it further, put anesthesia drops too.
I was asked to wait again. I must confess I dosed a little while waiting as the area was really cool and the sofa was comfy and I had to kinda keep my eyes closed, but then I panicked and called the nurse to tell her that I slept, if that would affect the anesthesia they’ve given me, because honestly I could still feel and I thought the affect must have been worn off. (You may laugh, I felt a little stupid but I had to tell them thanks to my paranoia)
After half an hour or so they asked me to go in, and I asked to use the toilet one last time, while they were rushing me telling me that the doctor is waiting.. I quickly went for the last time and I actually suddenly felt too cold started shivering. The nurse laughed and said there is a blanket inside don’t worry.
They’ve ushered me to the bed. Briefly introduced the doctor I haven’t really gotten the chance to see him properly. I laid on the scary bed and well.. then there were lots and I mean LOTS of eye drops. They started with the right eye, million drops look at the green light. LOOK AT THE GREEN LIGHT.
I’m the type of patient who even under pain would actually endure and not make sound. But somehow this was too irritating and too much to my eyes so I had to grit my teeth, and kinda tightened my fists but some low whimpers.. believe me it made me feel embarrassed but I had to, otherwise I’d forget to breathe.
They then shortly began the same procedure with left eye. But in addition to all that, they brought laser to the left eye and I felt oh god this is taking forever, and then suddenly it occurred to me they hadn’t done that to my right eye yet! They took away the laser did few annoying stuff and then moved back to right eye and I felt oh god, when will this finish? So then they did the laser in the right eye finally and when they were putting back the lens or whatever they did I could actually slightly feel the stuff and it was irritating I almost lifted my hand to push away everything but I maintained a good self control. Except for the whimpers I mean that was the only way I reminded myself I gotta breathe.
Million minutes later the surgery was done. The nurse helped me get up because I couldn’t do it myself, and when I got onto my feet I felt very dizzy with no balance, she laughed and said ‘it’s ok, you’re ok.. this is happening because your eyes were open for quite a long time’.
I briefly thanked the doctor and left the room (I was the last patient everyone wanted to just leave I assume). They helped me wear abaya again, have me goggles (ugly ones, I was disappointed, because I once saw a classmate wear cool goggles to school..)
Left the surgery area, was given instructions to take drops and be back the next day.
In addition to the goggles I put my scarf of my face like a niqabi my eyes were irritated somewhat, no burning sensation.
I went home took my drops, had lunch took panadol and laid on bed.
I had just finished with the surgery, I came home and it looked like the house before we reconstructed it, the small old house.. but I didn’t go in, I took my car and started driving towards Athaiba for some reason, and I had crossed each red light and I had no control over the car. I was terrified but I kept telling myself I have to reach. So I reached finally and I parked in horrible way also I went in to see my family.. I took my baby cousin and he hit my in my eyes so I dropped him down and held my head and somehow I had this huge headache
Suddenly I woke up. It was 4 hours later and I realized that my whole face was tensed, I had squinted my eyes? My teeth were again all gritted and I realized I was not supposed to do that but I just couldn’t help it. Took the drops and just wanted to remain in the dark.
The entire time since I came home my little sister was by my side. It was so sweet the way she was willingly just helping and taking care of me. She even opened an audio book for me from her beloved iPad so I could have some sort of entertainment.
So then again I opened another audio book and fell asleep. It’s funny how I slept the whole damn day. I was not bothered for anything and there was constantly a funny feeling in my eyes but I just remained patient.
6th Feb: I went to the clinic at 8.00’sh. There was whole lots of waiting, they called me upstairs did some check up after making me wait for more than half an hour, then I was asked to wait downstairs again for long time then they finally called me in. Put something in my eyes to stop tears? I didn’t really understand what did they put in my eyes but then the doctor said ‘well remove the lens too’ and I got freaked out, when was there any lens in my eyes? Apparently there was a protection lens.
So anyway I went home, I could see everything perfectly (alhamdulillah) and I feel very grateful.
It’s just that sometimes I feel like closing my eyes and not do anything coz I get this irritating feeling.
I still can’t believe I no longer have to use glasses! It feels weird
But it feels nice too.
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